Less extreme examples occur all the time, with sexism used as the small change of male interactions. At root it all assumes that the most basic element of male identity is hostility to women. You may not know anything about a guy, but you can always reach out to him by denigrating another gender. This is why I think writing off sexism and misogyny between men as “banter” is a mistake, and one which harms men themselves. Apart from the issue of how private discourse has an impact on our public space, it offers men a bleak and corrosive vision of their own masculinity. Their experience of being a man is reduced to a single hostile meaning, and their sexuality is co-opted as a means of degrading other people. It asserts that the baseline fact about them is a contempt for women, and the only solidarity they can expect is based on shared aggression. These kind of comments don’t assume relationships between men, they are attempts to create them, and in doing so to define what being a man might mean. On offer is a rotten definition, and one which I think we should all refuse.
from Rohypnol: Get a Better Punchline, or, “Get Your Banter Outta My Beer!” at QuiteIrregular
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